Keiko is trying to update her portfolio [link]
so she can get back on the scene and finally land her dream job: Being the official spokesperson for SKOAL.
Since Keiko has so many other things to be thinking about, I'm supposed to ask for suggestions for themes/looks (hair/makeup)/ideas for pictures she will be taking at the local glamor shots studio this weekend
. Apparently she bought a Groupon. Though, really, I think she will just show up there with a gun and demand makeover and photo services. Just like when she goes to the dentist (and requests makeover and photo services).
These trendy, mock polaroids (complete with cliched filters!) are just an example of some of the pics she took in her basement a few years ago to start her portfolio. When she trades in her Groupon this weekend at the strip mall establishment, she plans to continue this level of excellency.
another stupid, tl;dr fabrication
a totally true account of a conversation we had the other day, regarding Keiko updating her portfolio, and her inevitable landing of the SKOAL job.
----------"Listen, do you realize the WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITIES that will be SMASHED OPEN being associated with such a brand??????"
Keiko told me, as I tried to push her out of my house. (changing your locks is not a very effective deterrent against people who have no issue with taking an axe or large rock to your windows)"I mean, LOOK AT THIS SHIT!!! [link] I COULD BE ON A COVER OF A PLAYBOY ADVERTISING INSERT!! [link] "me:
I don't know what you're showing to me, you're just motioning in the air."DID YOU CLICK THE LINK???"me:
What link? We're standing here in my livingroom talking."Well if you can't see the link then that's your own eyesight's fault, I pasted it."
I decided to not even bother explaining to her that concepts of linking did not work in regular speech, but I didn't want to prolong the conversation further."...I wanted to show you a real life example of the MAGNITUDE of window smashing that will occur, so that's why I had to do that to your window. It was a necessary business expense that I'm pretty sure you can write off on your taxes."
Before I could point out the flaw in her suggestion, I turned around and she was gone. Perhaps to buy some Skoal, or rob a liquor store and steal some Skoal. Probably the latter.
Here's some pics she threw at me before jumping out of the window she broke. I'll give her that, at least she exits where she enters, though now I'm hesitant to go near the now bloody window. I don't want to catch Hepatitis. Again.
ps- for those who don't know what SKOAL is: [link]