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September 26, 2012
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keiko needs more pics by ilovegravy keiko needs more pics by ilovegravy
Keiko is trying to update her portfolio [link] so she can get back on the scene and finally land her dream job: Being the official spokesperson for SKOAL.

Since Keiko has so many other things to be thinking about, I'm supposed to ask for suggestions for themes/looks (hair/makeup)/ideas for pictures she will be taking at the local glamor shots studio this weekend. Apparently she bought a Groupon. Though, really, I think she will just show up there with a gun and demand makeover and photo services. Just like when she goes to the dentist (and requests makeover and photo services).

These trendy, mock polaroids (complete with cliched filters!) are just an example of some of the pics she took in her basement a few years ago to start her portfolio. When she trades in her Groupon this weekend at the strip mall establishment, she plans to continue this level of excellency.

Below is another stupid, tl;dr fabrication a totally true account of a conversation we had the other day, regarding Keiko updating her portfolio, and her inevitable landing of the SKOAL job.

----------

"Listen, do you realize the WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITIES that will be SMASHED OPEN being associated with such a brand??????" Keiko told me, as I tried to push her out of my house. (changing your locks is not a very effective deterrent against people who have no issue with taking an axe or large rock to your windows)

"I mean, LOOK AT THIS SHIT!!! [link] I COULD BE ON A COVER OF A PLAYBOY ADVERTISING INSERT!! [link] "

me: I don't know what you're showing to me, you're just motioning in the air.

"DID YOU CLICK THE LINK???"

me: What link? We're standing here in my livingroom talking.

"Well if you can't see the link then that's your own eyesight's fault, I pasted it."

I decided to not even bother explaining to her that concepts of linking did not work in regular speech, but I didn't want to prolong the conversation further.

"...I wanted to show you a real life example of the MAGNITUDE of window smashing that will occur, so that's why I had to do that to your window. It was a necessary business expense that I'm pretty sure you can write off on your taxes."

Before I could point out the flaw in her suggestion, I turned around and she was gone. Perhaps to buy some Skoal, or rob a liquor store and steal some Skoal. Probably the latter.

Here's some pics she threw at me before jumping out of the window she broke. I'll give her that, at least she exits where she enters, though now I'm hesitant to go near the now bloody window. I don't want to catch Hepatitis. Again.


ps- for those who don't know what SKOAL is: [link]
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:iconmandichan:
mandichan Feb 28, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
i can tell these are the best glamour shots in the universe cause of the BG. all the other pics in the universe are too small to see. great!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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:iconshawnana:
shawnana Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I will never fail to stop laughing at your glorious tales. I hope you bring some props to your Glamor Shots session-like a log or a big bear!
Reply
:iconilovegravy:
ilovegravy Jan 5, 2013  Professional Interface Designer
hee hee thankies buddy!!! :D :heart:

omg, I have both a log AND a big bear!! eventually I would love to use them too!! :fingerscrossed: but alas, I ended up bringing a much smaller/basic prop :slow: hopefully I'll post the pics eventually this decade!! :slow:
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:iconsherberttcat:
SherbertTCat Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Tobacco is yucky! Stick with gravy. It is safe.
Reply
:iconilovegravy:
ilovegravy Jan 5, 2013  Professional Interface Designer
hehe, gravy is never worth spitting out!! :hungry:
Reply
:iconpuppygrenade:
Puppygrenade Sep 28, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I hope you get that Skoal dream job! Yay... wait.
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:iconilovegravy:
ilovegravy Jan 5, 2013  Professional Interface Designer
They told me to wait by the phone, so I have been!! It's been three months of waiting, and using makeshift toilets, but I'm sure THIS WILL BE THE WEEK!!! :D
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:iconpuppygrenade:
Puppygrenade Jan 10, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Don't worry you'll get the call... and The wait will be totally worth it.
Reply
:iconyowassup:
yowassup Sep 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i'm officially suggesting that she take some fake fangs to the photo shoot... not necessarily because i think that will result in good pics (though i hope they will), but more because it would be really interesting to go to one of those places and show up with fangs.

or maybe they see that stuff all the time.

maybe i'm just ... um... can't think of the word...

anyhow, i suggest fangs.

for some stupid reason or other.
Reply
:iconilovegravy:
ilovegravy Jan 5, 2013  Professional Interface Designer
haha dang, sorry to say I didn't have any fangs on hand! Though, I'm kind of worried that the stupid Twilight trend has ruined fangs from being campy/funny and have gone more the lame/trendy route--THOUGH, I guess I could use that to my advantage and be like Mac on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" with his cat-eye contact lenses and take the "I AM SO COOL = hilariously lame"-route (haha not sure if that is a show you watch in your lineup of American shows over in Japan!) But here is the clip: [link]

I did end up taking a couple funny pics and the lady was very accommodating towards my silly ideas, but also said no one comes in and takes "funny" pics so I at least felt good in being the first. haha Hopefully i'll post these pics before the end of the year!!!! (yes, this year, haha)
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